January 2011
To be fair
if it wouldn’t give my baby webbed feet, I would be chasing these corndogs with about three bottles of champagne.
Pregnant New Year
I’m at a friend’s house. Mini vegetarian corndogs are in the oven. Hot fudge sundaes. Sparkling white grape juice. Big plans for a Harry Potter marathon.
What I’m saying is that I love this. I know it’s not the norm. This is my last chance for many moons to have a “normal” twenty-something New Year’s Eve. But I don’t want it. Drunk people...
Last night, lightning woke me up.
Because it was thunder storming. Tornadoes in Arkansas and thunder in Kansas.
Right now it’s 10 degrees and there’s ice on the ground. Whatever.
December 2010
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And tonight?
Tonight we are in for freezing rain.
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It was 68 degrees today.
I am, in no way, exaggerating.
nerd party
I got a rock tumbler and the Alien quadrilody for Christmas. The rock tumbler is very loud and the quadrilogy consists of ten discs of xenomorph goodness. Happy holidays.
Once Upon A Time,
when my husband was just my boyfriend, I wanted to go on a bike ride. But Cody’s bike was broken. So he followed me around the block on a riding mower, with the blades down so that everytime we cut through a yard, he mowed a little strip of it. I was thinking of that story as I fell asleep last night for some reason. I don’t know why I like it so much. I think maybe it’s...
soup
My supervisor brought us vegetable soup and cookies and a little meat and cheese tray and dear lord I almost started crying when I saw it all.
I’m crying all the time anyway, because I have two hearts. One beats in my chest and one is significantly smaller and pumping away in my tummy. And I can’t take it. It terrifies me and it’s also too beautiful. Tomorrow I will be seven...
feed me
Things I have eaten today:
oatmeal
Naked juice
a whole raw red pepper
multigrain crackers
string cheese
yogurt
a good smelling/bad tasting Healthy Choice microwave debacle
one pear
Cripes. I know a lot of women think about pregnancy as the time to “let yourself go” and unabashedly gain weight. I want to do that. So. Bad. But of course I had to start reading What to...
I just almost ralphed while un-jamming the copy...
Remember when Eddie Murphy had a musical career? Remember that party all the time song? I believe it was called Party All the Time.
My girl wants to party all the time,
Party all the time, party all the time.
If you replace the word “party” in that song with the word “vomit,” that is my life. All the time.
I love when the Mythbusters get drunk. I don’t even know what myth is being busted at this time. It’s just nice to watch nerds get schnockered.
I really appreciate the fact that the forecast is calling for it to be 45 fucking degrees on Christmas. Assholes.
Fact
I find nothing appealing about Chloe Sevigny. On the contrary, I would very much like to punch her square in her pretentious, hipster mouth.
children are intuitive
Student #1: You look different today, Miss Emily.
Student #2: Yeah, you've looked different a lot lately.
Me: Hm. What does that mean?
Student #2: You just look really pretty or something
Student #1: Yeah...I dunno what it is. But you definitely look really different.
Me: Hmmmmm
Everything smells like ice cream cones.
Not ice cream. Just the cones. The cones with the flat bottoms, not the pointy ones. Sugar cones? I dunno. Anyway, that’s what it smells like in here.
Boom
I sent a letter (email) of resignation to my supervisor at my second job this morning. I still haven’t heard back. Oh well.
I can’t have TWO jobs where I work with mentally/emotionally challenged children while carrying my own spawn. It just sends my mind reeling with questions like, “Oh God, what if my child turns out like this?” No thanks. One of those jobs is...
The 30 Most Important Cats of 2010 →
trainjuice asked: CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so super stoked for you. Even though we're new-ish internet friends, anything you need I'm here for you.
I am fully prepared to gain any type of pregnancy weight with you by eating whatever you have a craving for.
Congrats, stay healthy and hooray for you and Cody!
I am fully prepared to gain any type of pregnancy weight with you by eating whatever you have a craving for.
Congrats, stay healthy and hooray for you and Cody!
trainjuice asked: CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so super stoked for you. Even though we're new-ish internet friends, anything you need I'm here for you.
I am fully prepared to gain any type of pregnancy weight with you by eating whatever you have a craving for.
Congrats, stay healthy and hooray for you and Cody!
I am fully prepared to gain any type of pregnancy weight with you by eating whatever you have a craving for.
Congrats, stay healthy and hooray for you and Cody!
First Trimester
I know it’s taboo to announce these things before the 16 week mark. But, given the Christmas timing and the fact that I’m so damned proud of my body for making it this far anyway, I had to jump the gun.
Positive thoughts are key these days. Dreaming of a child’s laughter was sign enough for me that this was all going to work out.
Also, I PROMISE that this isn’t going to...
2 tags
All I can think about is how badly I would like to eat that hamburger/Mcnugget/french fry pizza.
But you know what I’m eating instead? Fucking generic Wheat Thins.
1 tag
big things
I have so many things I want to say. Right now. But I have to wait just a little. Bit. Longer. And it’s driving me crazy.
nostril period
That is the only way to describe the scene upon blowing my nose this morning.
Overshare? Oh, definitely.
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Sometimes, when you're bored at work,
you log on to babynames.com and makes a shortlist of names for a child you haven’t met and who you are not currently carrying.
Just know, when the time comes, my child’s name is going to blow you out of the water.
I spend the winter living in fear.
Once, I shocked our television set so hard that it broke. Permanently. On several occasions, my shocks have been visible. I think I might be a superconductor. This terrifies me. So now I rub my hands all over wood door frames before I open a door. If there isn’t a door frame, I hold my breath, and ultimately release an audible burst of energy. I hate it. It’s a legitimate...
I hate people who bring baked goods to work.
Granted, I love the fact that baked goods are brought to work. But I hate the idea that one of my coworkers just randomly decided last night to make brownies to bring to our workroom and share with others. The fact that this woman had the spare time to do such a thing. Ugh. IF I had the time to bake brownies and bring them to work, I wouldn’t. You know what I would do? I would watch...
Appointment Day
On Saturday I am getting my hairs cut as well as having my first eye exam in, oh, five years? It’s going to be like a makeover montage, y’all! Only…instead of taking away my glasses (thus making me hot), I will most likely emerge with an even thicker, nerdier prescription. Bug eyes and bangs. Wicked.
Awkward pregnancy photos →
shooshoofontaine:
beaucoupcats:
rosemarysbabyjane:
downlo:
A collection of photos that lives up to its title (via).
This is hysterical!
sometimes i love the internet.
God bless the internet.
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Weather Forecast,
I hate you. So. Damned. Much.
It’s going to be 41 degrees on Saturday, supposedly. IS IT NEVER GOING TO BE WINTER?!
I know that I should count my blessings and be overjoyed at the fact that the windchill won’t instantly freeze the boogers inside my nostrils like last year. But Christ! Part of what I love about Kansas is that we get all four seasons to the extreme. But this...
Kitty
Is there some sort of cat OCD to which I am not yet privy? I’m well aware of the fact that all cats come with an inherent amount of baggage, but where do you draw the line between normal cat neuroses and freakish obsessive behavior?
Our lady cat, Kitty, averages about 15 minutes of post-potty digging every time she uses the litter box. Sometimes, when I’m trying to sleep, I get out...
Because I watched both Home Alone movies tonight,
the only kind of pizza I want tonight is plain cheese. Kevin McCallister style.
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Pizza Club
Sunday Night Edition
Senator Sanders
looks like the guy from the Mario games who floated around on clouds throwing spiky monsters at you. And coins. Sometimes you lucked out and he threw coins.
Anyway, I think this makes me love him more.
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Let Me Tell You About My Mother's Work
This is important. I mean, I feel like my work is important, but mama’s blows mine out of the water.
My mom works for an organization called Veronica’s Voice in Kansas City, MO. It was developed to help locate and rehabilitate young girls and women who have been victims of sex trafficking in the United States. This is an invisible problem that is, literally, everywhere. My mom...
Donut Races
…are exactly what they sound like. You try to eat a donut as fast as you can, without using your hands.
My fifth grade class does this sometimes. No big deal.
*Edit* The donuts sit on their desks and the students keep their hands behind their backs.