February 2011
Also,
when you are pregnant and sick, you can’t take any medicine. Instead, you will most likely watch a lot of Jeff Goldblum movies and eat a lot of canned peaches in heavy syrup. That will make you feel almost as good as Nyquil would otherwise.
I've been sick since Friday
I haven’t applied any makeup since then. I usually don’t go this long unless I’m camping. Hypothetically, this is prepping me for mom time. I hear new moms wear a lot of sweatpants too, much to my chagrin.
January 2011
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I'd complain about the impending weather, but...
The Lasagna I Just Made
had to have weighed upwards of 15 pounds before I put it in the oven.
Tummy, start your engine!
1 tag
I just did my taxes
I thought for a moment about leaving one of my W2s off in hopes of getting more money. The total refund ended up being $666, so I decided to go ahead and be honest. I owe my state money for the first time in my adult life. It’s such a minuscule amount compared to what most people pay, but it still stings. I’ll get a whopping $200 back federally, though. Woohoo!
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"Is that a space heater?"
Nope. No. Absolutely not. That small thing, sitting in our workroom and heating the space around it, is in no way a space heater. I’m surprised you even had to ask, Coworker. I mean, it’s so OBVIOUSLY not used for heating space.
And then she left. With fifteen minutes left of the workday. She said, “I’m glad it’s starting to warm up in here. Well…have...
“You see that? He’s coming over here to beat me up. He’s like a...”
– Sometimes, my husband makes up stories about our cats. This was his explanation for Pencil’s erratic behavior this morning.
Hallowen '11
I know it’s a bit early to start thinking about costumes for this year’s Halloween BUT I’m quickly finding out that a baby will make a great accessory. Case and point: my husband can go as Master Blaster and strap Babykins to his shoulders, and I can be Aunty Entity (aka Tina Turner), Thunderdome style.
…this is what happens when nerds have babies
The heat is out in our school again.
Yes, I say again. This happened last week. It’s so cold in here. My glovelets are proving entirely insufficient in shielding my fingers from the biting air. I suggested to my students that we build a hobo-style trashcan fire. Probably not the most responsible idea…
Creatures of Love
Get pregnant and listen to The Talking Heads: Little Creatures album. You will have a musical epiphany.
Also, listen to Neil Diamond pretty much all the time regardless of whatever epiphanies are or are not involved.
Yeah...I'm done with football.
I can’t even pretend to be okay with it anymore. Between Ben Roethlisberger’s MULTIPLE instances of supposed rape and Green Bay being, allegedly, the sexual assaultiest team this season, I’m done. Fuck your Super Bowl. Fuck your trophies. Fuck idolizing professional athletes.
I will eat mountains of guacamole and watch the Puppy Bowl and say GOOD DAY to you and your...
birthday
My birthday is in twelve days. I’d really like to do something fun for it, but my options are a little limited given ye olde bun in the oven (we call it Little Foot). I want to go on a mini trip somewhere but it’s too cold. Any stellar ideas?
Bloody Murder
This morning while I was in the shower, my husband decided to come in and thank me for taking such good care of him since he’s been sick. Unfortunately, I neither heard the door open nor saw him enter the room. I turned around and there was a man in a black robe whispering to me from the other side of the shower curtain.
I screamed. And jumped. And I think I even cried a little bit...
“I love being tired.”
– (via shitnoonehaseversaid)
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JACK LALANNE DIED?!
But the Power Juicer! It was supposed to keep him young forever!
That man’s ghost could still kick my ass any day of the week.
throwing up/growing up
I just threw up in the staff bathroom. A lot. I can’t tell if it’s due to morning sickness or actual sickness, as my husband is at home in bed as we type, moaning and groaning and basically out of commission.
Also, trying to prepare and budget for two and a half months of no work this summer is stressing me out. I can do it, I think. It’s just going to suck, and possibly...
I just fell asleep in my office.
And there is a brass quintet playing outside of my 4th grade classroom.
I don’t really know what the fuck’s going on.
54% of Iceland's population believe in elves.
The government there reroutes road and building construction in order to avoid trampling the elves’ natural habitat.
I think I would do quite well in Iceland…
therewillbewords asked: Umm, how do you do long division?
When I teach a really great math lesson,
it almost makes me forget how much I hated math when I was in school. Almost. Not that I was ever bad at math. I was always at least two years ahead of my grade level. I just didn’t care about it. At all. Sometimes I feel like a sham trying to motivate my students to do long division.
It would be nice if I had a friend who had a super flexible job and some spare change to bring me a big jar of dill pickles right now. It would also be nice if pickles had any nutritional value.
Kind of on a similar note (but not really), my midwife told me yesterday that I should eat a high protein snack at 4am when I wake up to pee to combat morning sickness. Apparently my blood sugar is low...
46 Degrees
That’s the temperature of the classroom next to my office, where I spend most of my day.
Fabbulous.
The heat went out in our building yesterday.
Granted, it was a snow day and nobody was here, but they just now got it turned back on. I’m still wearing my hat, scarf, and gloves as I type this. Old Man Winter, you trixy bastard!
I heard the heartbeat today.
It sounds like the smallest freight train you could ever imagine.
Like magic in my tummy.
“Call me later if I can help.”
– My dad and I are obviously on the same wavelength concerning my lack of winter driving skillz.
Here Comes the Snow
I drive a Ford Taurus with two bald tires. I’m a little worried about how rough my drive home is going to be. Usually, my dad gives me rides when the weather is bad (his idea, not mine, for the sake of the baaaaaby), but I didn’t even think to call and ask him this morning. I know I will get home safely. It’s only about a seven minute drive from here to there. The thing is,...
I like to pretend,
that, due to the timing of my pregnancy, I’m part of the celebrity baby boom. I know this isn’t true. I know people.com will not be keeping the world updated with pictures of my growing bump. But still. If Hillary Duff can be a part of this, so can I.
If you brought me a cheeseburger right now,
at 10:09 in the morning, I would eat it. I would eat it so damned fast.
Vom
My oatmeal breath made me want to puke, so I popped a piece of gum in my mouth.
Now the gum is making me gag.
Pregnancy really is a miracle…
more snow
I probably shouldn’t have driven myself to work today.
I also want all the burritos.
If any and all burittos in the greater Topeka area would like to somehow materialize themselves before me right now, I would really appreciate it. Only, none of them can be topped with that delicious queso blanco. That creamy miracle of dairy is strictly taboo for pregnant mamas. Bummer.
I really want a bubbly, clear soda.
Something in the vein of a ginger ale or lemon/lime situation. But I don’t have anything resembling that. I have coconut milk with a splash of fucking mango. A healthier choice, yes. But a more delicious one? Hardly. Coconut milk makes everything taste just a little bit too…old. Or something.